The World


Batman vs. Santa — Bill Sienkiewicz


So, today was a rough day. After going to church after a long time, i felt very out of place. I even contemplated breaking up with a- but im not and i didnt. I sent him a long message deeply going into my feelings and how much i appreciated him. After his doctor appointment, he saw it and told me he cried about it. I know this is a sudden and a mushed together post, but i appreciate him a lot.



My favorite thing about when we talk is he tells me how happy he us to help other people. He got so emotional when he was doing charity work, it warmed my heart.

When he texts me at work about it all i can do is smile. It’s silly but it’s mine.

I’ve realized that long distance relationships are really may say it’s bad finding someone online, but after a while you become best friends. That’s when it’s gets good, and honestly i couldn’t think of a better relationship. I consider this a first for me.every other relationship just seemed fake and i was just lying to myself.this is real and i love it, just as much as i say i love him.


Normally I would get a good morning from A-, but i didn’t. I didn’t get anything all day. So naturally i thought he was busy at his family restaurant.

Well, around 7 o’clock, he sent me one text that said, “I love you…”

A lot of people say its too soon to say that, but i think what is between us, it’s fine. Considering people also think it shouldn’t even be mentioned because we haven’t hung out “officially”. You know what? I don’t care.

I’m in a long distance relationship. I don’t care about other people. He makes me happy and helps me love myself and I do the same for him.

And you know what? I love him too.


So for about two weeks now I’ve been seeing this guy who will remain as A-. In a more disproving tone that my friends would give me if they were to find out how I met him, I figure I can say on here and not be judged or scolded. Like a lot of people these days, a long distance relationship is what I have, we met over the internet. Which is typical for me. No one I actually know would date me but that’s a whole other story with personal issues laced within it. Since I don’t post as much on here, I figure I should at least catch you up on what has been going on.

(These posts aren’t in order, so I’ll make it make sense.)


Now that we’re started talking more in depth, he knows how awkward and inexperienced I am when it comes to “relationships”. So far I’m really happy because he has seen me when I’m all dolled up, and when I’m an absolute slob and he hasn’t run away screaming. He’s seen me have a bad and a good day and I’ve seen the same for him in reverse. He’s so sweet and it actually warms my heart. After a long time of dwelling on it and fearing the absolute worst, I think I’m going to take that step and just go and do it. I’ll probably do it 2 weekends from now, but I’m going to go to Cincy and see him. As an early birthday present to myself and an early Christmas/New Years to the both of us. 

Who knows maybe I’ll even get one of those cheesy new year kisses. I hope not, I’m not that brave. But A is hurt so my main goal is to basically cheer him up and make food. Which he thinks is hilarious because I’m supposed to be “cooking for the chef”.

Lately, or more recently things with A- and I haven’t gone off to a god awful start and it’s nice. I feel like I just have a guy friend who occasionally uses terms of endearment and tells me to have a good nice and things. I still think it’s weird, but he’s very patient and understanding of how awkward I am. Yesterday he “cried” because I didn’t give him a selfie for two days when there was an unspoken agreement that we should send one to each other every day. I found out that he is actually really self conscious. He was afraid to tell me about his tattoo’s because he thought I would disprove of them. He doesn’t think he looks nice and I think it’s completely fine. I think he’s fine, in ever meaning of the word. 

I think A- and I will be fine. : )

Bolaño/Knausgaard (Books Acquired, 12.04.2013)

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